Watching someone you know and love develop a mental illness like dementia is particularly upsetting as it's the slow decline of an individual from the person you have known and loved for many years into a stranger.
I've heard Dementia referred to as the "long goodbye" and anyone who has experienced this horrible situation will understand.
The problem is that as we get older we naturally become a bit more forgetful and not as sharp as we used to be, and that's perfectly normal, so spotting when the symptoms become more pronounced and may be the start of a real disease like dementia is not always straightforward.
But it is important to do this.
While there is currently no cure for dementia, early treatment and therapy can slow the onset of the disease and reduce its' impact on the individual and their families.
In some cases it can also save lives.
Once a person is diagnosed with dementia they have to inform DVLA who will assess whether or not they are still fit to drive (which depends on how the disease affects their ability - everyone is different).
If they do not meet the requirements of this assessment they will lose their driving licence and this could well prevent a serious accident if they had a forgetful episode while driving around town or on a busy motorway.
So, to my friend.
He used to see his Gran every couple of months and some years ago began to notice some subtle changes in her behaviour.
She started to repeat herself quite a lot, and would ask the same question several times.
She would get up and then forget why.
Nothing unusual there you may think, most of us who are over forty spend time at the top of the stairs wondering why we went up in the first place, but she would barely make it out of the room.
When he spoke to his mum about this she just dismissed the incidents as "getting old", but this was because the changes were so gradual.
His mum saw his gran (her own mum) every couple of days.
He only saw her every few weeks and so noticed the changes much more readily.
The turning point came when she started to become aggressive.
She took to pushing people when they didn't do as she wanted, and got angry far more often than she used to.
This was the trigger that led his mum to seek advice from their doctor, and in turn the assessment that led to her being diagnosed with early stage dementia.
This was all some time ago and she has since died, but as they had managed to spot the onset of the disease in good time they were able to start treatments and therapy that slowed its' development.
This gave them all some precious extra time together before she reached the stage where she no longer recognised any of her loved ones and started to do things like forgetting to go to the toilet and needing to wear incontinence pads, all of which meant home care was no longer feasible and she moved in to a specialist nursing home.
My friend still remembers how important those extra months were to the whole family.
So what should you look for that may indicate someone may be in the early stages of the disease? The first thing to remember is that everyone is unique will be affected by dementia differently - no two people will develop symptoms in exactly the same way.
An individual's personality, general health and lifestyle are all important factors.
That said, the most common early symptoms of dementia that can be looked for are:
- Memory loss.
Especially short-term memory.
This is the most common early symptom of dementia.
People with ordinary forgetfulness can still remember other facts associated with the thing they have forgotten.
For example, they may briefly forget their next-door neighbour's name but they still know the person they are talking to is their next-door neighbour.
A person with dementia will not even remember this. - Difficulty performing familiar tasks.
People with dementia often find it hard to complete everyday tasks such as knowing what order to put clothes on or the steps for preparing a meal. - Problems with language.
Occasionally everyone has trouble finding the right word but a person with dementia will forget simple words, or use strange words instead so the sentence ends up being meaningless. - Disorientation - to time and place.
People with dementia can become lost in familiar places, such as the road they live in, forget where they are or how they got there, and not know how to get back home.
They may also confuse night and day. - Poor or decreased judgement, People with dementia may dress strangely, wearing several layers of clothes on a warm day or very few on a cold day.
- Problems with keeping track of things.
Aperson with dementia may find it difficult to follow a conversation or keep up with tasks like paying their bills. - Misplacing things.
Do they put things in unusual places, such as an iron in the fridge or a wristwatch in the fruit bowl. - Changes in mood or behaviour.
Everyone gets sad or moody from time to time, but a person with dementia may become emotional and experience rapid mood swings for no apparent reason.
Alternatively a person with dementia may show less emotion than was usual previously. - Changes in personality.
A person with dementia may not seem themselves in ways that are difficult to pinpoint.
They may become suspicious, irritable, depressed, apathetic or anxious and agitated, especially in situations where memory problems are causing difficulties. - Loss of initiative.
It is common fora person with dementia to become very passive, sitting in front of the TV for hours, sleeping more than usual, or to lose interest in hobbies that used to be a mainstay of their lives.
While there may be another explanation for the symptoms, catching this disease early may well mean extra time with a loved one so don't hesitate to voice your concerns.
Your doctor can then judge the best way for you to go ahead.
Be aware, and take action - you'll be glad you did.