In my adult life, a vast majority of many couples that I ever have known are now divorced.
The rate of divorce among us Iranian is high, really high.
The reasons for a family dissolution are barely studied with the context of how marriage has become a faulty assumption.
Marriage in our Iranian culture is the official, accepted, legitimized, and common way of partnership and intimate relationship.
Iranian who live in Western cultures are experiencing the notion of common-law relationship.
We know that such a model in Iran would not be possible, at least not between opposite sexes.
Families have to intervene if a couple manage to say yes to a marriage.
The structure of an expensive, complex, and risky business that marriage has become is making many family lives a disaster.
If we agree that marriage in its traditional way does not work any longer, then we have to be able to analyze marriage more closely.
We have to challenge our assumptions.
Once we are married it is expected of us to build a family under any circumstances.
A couple has to pass the exam of parenthood by just bringing one or two babies into this world.
Children are assumed to change the adult lives, which it does, however children are the tools for happiness.
Marriage has become a way of fleeing families and a way for having intimate relationship.
However it is hard to tell, but marriage is not the solution to many social problems that our families are dealing with.
Many men who have mental health issues are advised by their parents to marry, because it is believed that marriage would solve the real issues.
No one would tell that wife the challenges this man is dealing with.
The idea is that this individual would get busy with family and heal just by himself.
We can come across numerous examples where marriage becomes a key in curing many social problems that families are dealing with.
Many young women wake up in the aftermath of marriage.
They realize what a huge duty it is to deal with their husbands who are coming with various packages.
Marriage should be about building, maintaining, and nurturing a long lasting relationship, however conceptualization of marriage in our Iranian culture is greatly influenced by many other forces.
We are confused about the purpose and the definition of couple relationship because marriage is wrapped in a religious, social, financial, and political blanket.
What we have is what we do, marrying for the sake of marriage and for the sake of fulfilling a responsibility.
Lack of individuation and collective interest in the couple's life are many times reasons for failure in the marriage.
Issues such as trust, communication, protection, relationship, friendship, and merging lives together are not always what occupy our Iranian mind.
contrary limitations, traditions, andprohibitions have great influence on marriage as a discourse.
It is time to analyze cultural influence on marriage and on individual lives.
We may save some families.
Poran Poregbal Vancouver, B.
C September 8, 2008