My friend Teresa has been a bit upset this week.
She came across her 2008 New Year Resolutions list and found that she's not able to tick a single item off it.
With just a few weeks remaining before the new New Year, she's glum that she's "still a fat, shy, frumpy wino with an ex-boyfriend tied to her with elastic, stressing about a job she has been dying to leave since she started it 6 years ago.
" Her words, not mine! Teresa has been making resolutions each year to lose weight, drink less, get a new job and go out more.
But these resolutions do not see the light of day because in her mind they are simply hopeful wishes - ones that she feels would be "nice to have" but they're not really for "someone like her".
So she doesn't take them seriously.
And when we don't take something seriously, we can't commit to it.
And when we can't commit to it, we become unable to identify with it in a way that brings about the right mental energy to make it happen.
If this doesn't make sense, think about what happens in your mind when you want something easy - like a cup of tea.
You might say "Mmmm, I don't half fancy a nice cup of tea" and picture a nice hot brew.
Perhaps you feel its comforting warmth on your tongue.
Maybe you hear the comforting boil of the kettle.
Without even knowing it, you've put a lot of energy and commitment into this simple thought about wanting a cup of tea.
This energy and commitment is what allowed you to do what it took to make that cup of tea happen.
How can you allow yourself to think about your goals with the same level of familiarity and ease with which you think about a cup of tea? 1) Envision Success.
See yourself achieving your goal on the TV screen of your mind.
Have this on constant replay, even if you have to set reminders on your mobile phone to do it.
2) Address the emotional conflict underlying your goal.
Many goals involve a loss (lose weight, lose the drink, lose a habit, quit smoking, stop procrastinating).
Loss brings apathy, grief, abandonment and insecurity.
If you find these emotions casting a subconscious veil around your goal, a solutions-orientated therapist can help you with this.
3) Take committed action.
Goals without action are daydreams.
Daydreams have a beauty that gives your life hope.
But daydreams rooted in fear take the hope away and you get distorted self-limiting and self-depreciating beliefs forming in their place instead.
Action with commitment addresses fear and gives legs to your daydreams.
Teresa's decided she won't be starting 2009 with her same old dog-eared list of guilt-ridden resolutions.
She's not that bothered about her weight really but she is ever-so-tired of being socially shy and awkward.
Teresa started working on her confidence and self-esteem today.
If you have overdue resolutions hanging around from 1st Jan 2008, dust them off and bring them into your daily awareness.
What can you do to make a start on them today? 1st January 2009, Teresa is going to be brimming and sparkling with inner confidence, enjoying a day full of hope, joy and enthusiasm.
How about you? © Reeta Luthra