Generally, people who suffer from anxiety are not assertive people.
We tend to let people take advantage as we very much want to be liked and are often known as people pleasers.
The problem with trying to please everyone is that not only is it exhausting when we agree to all the demands asked of us but our self-esteem is diminished as somewhere deep down we know that we should stand up for ourselves.
Over time we can become resentful and angry with the people demanding so much from us.
This can build inside us until we may explode with anger at an inappropriate time and afterwards feel guilty which also increase our anxiety.
In its simplest of forms, being assertive means communicating your feelings in a calm but firm voice if you feel you are being taken advantage of or simply need to say no to someone's demands in order to have time for yourself.
I'd like to share a personal experience to illustrate further.
When I was younger, I had many problems being assertive with my friends.
Mostly it had to do with going out to a club or some other social event even though I really just wanted to stay home and relax.
This happened frequently as my friends were social butterflies while I, due to my anxiety, enjoyed comfortable, familiar places.
Also, I generally had less energy and by the end of a working day I just wanted to stay home and play cards, video games or watch television.
It would start the same every time.
After we were all home from work, had dinner and were enjoying a beer, I would start worrying that someone would come up with the idea to go out.
Usually someone did.
At first I would try to subtly manipulate the situation appearing that I was ready to go but that I had a better idea to do something at home or a friend's place.
Sometimes this worked and I felt a bit ashamed at my manipulation.
Most of the time, the guys would agree that we should go out.
It was then that I would try to get out of it, saying I was too tired or just didn't want to go.
Then the peer pressure would start and I would either fold or get very angry.
Getting angry just caused more ribbing from my friends and left me feeling even worse about myself continuing to erode my self-esteem and increasing my anxiety.
Finally, after discovering I had an anxiety disorder and going through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I had to put what I learned into practice.
The anticipatory anxiety was overwhelming.
The old pattern started but this time I remained relatively calm and firmly stuck to my guns.
The guys gave me a hard time but I felt better about myself.
The more I practiced it, the easier it got and the stronger my words sounded.
Soon, I could see that my friends had begun to respect my word and if I said no, that was it.
I felt great.
I sincerely hope that you can relate this to some aspect of your life and begin practicing assertive behaviour.