Dementia is a really challenging disease for family caregivers for two quite different reasons.
One, it is infinitely variable, even in the same person.
Two, this is your family member being quite a different person from the one you knew before.
Most disease don't do that.
Heart disease doesn't radically change a person's entire approach to the whole of life.
Although we always have to allow for some change in everyone dealing with a disease condition, not that many diseases utterly change the person.
Dementia does.
They may become the person you can't ever leave alone, because they may walk out of the front door and keeping walking on ahead until they're thoroughly lost.
They may put a pot on the stove and walk away to leave it to burn the house down.
ARRGH! Is this a lost cause? Should you just take Mom to the care home and give up on looking after her yourself? Well, that should never be excluded as a reasonable choice.
A lot of people do really well in small home care.
It's comfortable.
They have the company of others.
Care staff around all the time.
However, to be honest, what I've seen of family difficulties is that they mainly come out what people don't know and often are reluctant to learn.
Perhaps family members subconsciously feel that, by not learning dementia, they will somehow magically make it go away.
Wake up.
It won't.
But it could be made easier for you, by you.
Learn everyday dementia facts, like some of the following.
Essential Dementia Facts: 1.
People forget -- routines, habits, today, the past, anything and everything; 2.
People vary from each other in their dementia; 3.
Individuals vary from day to day; 4.
Other health issues make dementia worse; 5.
Dehydration makes dementia worse; 6.
Fatigue, emotional upset and physical pain make dementia worse; 7.
Other passing health issues, like colds or flu or bladder problems, all make dementia worse.
8.
Sudden major worsening of dementia is NOT a dementia problem.
It indicates a different health crisis.
Get your person to a doctor immediately to find out what is happening.
Then there are those daily dementia problems you could make a simple care plan for, instead of stewing about.
Daily Dementia Problems: 1.
Shower fear: most people with dementia fear overhead showers.
Use a hand-held shower and start at the feet, working upwards; 2.
Bathroom: have a bathroom reminder schedule, say every 2 hours, to avoid those accidents; 3.
Medications: you put them in order, you serve them out; 4.
ID is very important to have on the person with dementia in a non-removable form because you NEVER know when a new behavior begins; 5.
Never judge tomorrow by today's standards.
The non-wanderer could wander tomorrow; 6.
Secure outer doors with some kind of opening warning.
Your first care plan should always be for yourself.
But I put it last because that's where you put yourself.
Self-Care Needs: 1.
Know what you need and get it; 2.
Sleep; 3.
Time off; 4.
Support group; 5.
Stress reduction; 6.
Good food.
I know you know all that and yet caregivers routinely struggle on with sleep lack without organizing an answer to that most important well-being issue.
You know about eating well, but you still live on cookies and ice-cream after 11pm.
We all tend to develop bad habits in stressful times.
That's our answer to stress.
You deserve the best care from yourself.
Think about it.