- 1). Mentally prepare for a discussion about hurtful behavior. Expect that your partner may have a difficult reaction to your revelations. He may be defensive, angry, or scared. Mentally rehearsing the discussion and his possible reactions will prepare you for the real thing.
- 2). Find a safe public place to discuss your issues. This makes it easier to keep tempers in check and words cordial.
- 3). Explain to your partner exactly how he has hurt you, using phrases like "I feel..." and "When this happens..." Using phrases like "You are so..." or "When you..." may make your partner defensive, hindering honest discourse. Remain calm and explain things from your perspective, without blame or accusatory language.
- 4). Agree on rules and the consequences for breaking them. If you are hurt because your mate speaks ill of your family, tell him that comments about them should only be positive or neutral. If your partner has strayed romantically and you value monogamy, tell him that you will stay in the relationship only if he is faithful. Then establish consequences for his hurtful behavior. Perhaps violations mean the end of the relationship, or an agreement to seek therapy. The rules and consequences are yours to decide and relay.
- 5). Follow through. This is one of the most important steps and cannot be avoided or skipped. If you establish rules with your mate, you must follow through with the consequences. This means that his violation of the rules will not result in a reprieve, but a punishment. If you establish rules and then allow them to be broken, you will only reinvigorate and encourage hurtful behavior.