Following is the transcript of Sarah Pailn's monologue jokes during her comedy debut on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno," March 2, 2010:

Hello. Thank you, Jay. Thank you. I'm so happy to get to be here. This is a thrill of a lifetime really. And Alaska, being so different from Los Angeles. Here when people have a frozen look on their face, I find out it's Botox.

It is so beautiful here, though, so warm and beautiful.

Back home, ooh, it was freezing. It was 5 degrees below Congress' approval rating.

Shaun White on the show. Oh, what an amazing athlete. I watched him do a double McTwist 1260, and the only other people to do a double McTwist 1260 was last week: the White House on healthcare."

It's great to be on the same show as Shaun White. Last time I was this close to the Flying Tomato was when someone threw one at me at a book signing.

I watched the Winter Olympics: skiing, fighting on the ice, skating, bob sledding. In Alaska, that's our morning commute.

How about that amazing closing ceremony. It was beautiful. The minute I saw the giant moose, I remembered I hadn't cooked anything for the kids' dinner.

And that's because I've been really busy. I picked up a gig in Las Vegas at the Legends show, playing Tina Fey.

And next I get to headline. I'll be the speaker at the NRA convention. So be there, or else.

The truth is though I'm glad I'm not vice president. I'm glad because I would not know what to do with all that free time.

But Jay, thank you so much for inviting me. I saw where it's been a few weeks of unfair, non-stop criticism, people who don't know the real story. And I just say, Jay, welcome to my world."

Watch the video of Palin's comedy act (beginning at the 3:34 minute mark).

See Also:Sarah Palin Late-Night Jokes