Grudges: The Ties that Bind

• It is part of human nature that whenever you get hurt you wish to see the person who hurt you punished in some way. Often you may want to withhold your forgiveness to make the person "pay" for the betrayal until he has either apologized or repented in a significant way. The problem with this mindset is that it puts your recovery back into the hands of the person who hurt you and keeps you unable to move forward.
  
  

Stop Being a Victim

• When you forgive another person, the process of "letting go" frees you to move forward by forcing you to take responsibility for your own feelings. You can't change what has been done, only how you react to it. If you stay mired in the past through your resentment and unfulfilled sense of justice over what happened to you, then your life could be swallowed up with bitterness and distrust. This would adversely affect future relationships.
  
  

Love Your Enemy

• Hatred and anger feed off of the need to vilify those who hurt you, which robs them of their humanity and makes them harder to forgive. Empathy releases you from that vitriol. As you try to understand the other person's behavior, you might even realize that what was done to you may not have been personal at all. This perspective turns an enemy into a more sympathetic character, which makes it easier to let go of the pain. It also reminds you of those times you might have hurt others and then benefited from their grace and forgiveness.
  
  

One Step at a Time

• Forgiveness is an action. If you wait to "feel" forgiveness, you allow the pain of the betrayal to linger unnecessarily. The sheer act of forgiving someone means you do the things necessary to take steps beyond the painful event in your past. Stop focusing on what has already happened, which you can't change, and focus instead on your current circumstances and your future goals. Acknowledge your feelings to friends or even a professional, and free yourself from the idea that forgiving another means you must stay in undesirable relationships. Take steps to do what is best for you, which makes moving forward inevitable.