Affairs tear at the fabric of a marriage.
Shredded trust, crippled self esteem, and the images locked inside the victims mind are just some of the items needing attention in the marriage.
In order for there to be any real chance at repairing the marriage, there is one item that needs to be addressed first.
The cheating spouse must have absolutely, positively, 100% no contact with their partner in crime.
The "NO CONTACT" Rule Establishing the "no contact" rule is the very first thing you must do before any attempts are made at rebuilding the marriage.
This rule is simple and to the point.
The cheater must never see, speak or communicate in anyway with their partner in crime ever again.
There is no wiggle room here.
The moment you both decide to try and save the marriage is the moment you (the victim) need to establish this rule.
It's just that simple.
Here's how you get the message to the other man/woman: 1: Draft a "No Contact" Letter This must be written by the cheater and reviewed by the victim.
If the cheater is serious about staying and working on the marriage this should be their first step.
Having no contact with their partner in crime is essential to the emotional stability of the victim.
The letter should be short and to the point.
Leave out the grand apology or long diatribes about how things are better this way or that way.
Basically, it should contain four points.
1.
) It was a mistake.
2.
) I love my spouse 3.
) I will never have contact with you again.
4.
) Don't try and contact me.
Remember, simpler is better and less is more.
2: Send it Certified To avoid any mishaps in the delivery process.
Send the letter via certified mail.
Signatures are required for certified letters, this way you can be sure they received it.
Also, you can check online to see when the letter has been received.
Ask your postman for details.
This small detail should not be overlooked.
Do not just drop the letter in a mail box.
You do not want to be going through the emotional turmoil of the healing process without delivery confirmation.
This is the only way to know for sure that the no contact rule is in effect.
3: Follow Up The first few months after sending the letter are vital.
The victim must put in place certain precautions to make sure that their spouse is living up to the "no contact" rule.
It doesn't matter if the other man/woman tries to contact your spouse.
It only matters that your spouse does not respond.
They can't control the other person but they can control themselves.
Demand complete transparency! You don't want to be caught off guard.
There are no more secrets.
All passwords for email, Facebook or any other multi-media account should be shared.
Drastic? Maybe, but this is the price for "peace of mind.
" Establishing the "no contact" rule does not guarantee results.
It does, however, set the tone for success.
Its lets your cheating spouse know that you mean business.
If they want to save this marriage there is no room for a third party.
Saving the marriage will take both partners fully engaged in the healing process.
Sending the letter will give both the victim and the wayward spouse a place to start from.
Remember keep the letter short and to the point and make sure you have delivery confirmation.