Why read books when you can just read the reviews? It takes so much time to read a whole book.
Who's got all that time to waste? I don't.
New books come out faster than celebrity scandals.
Just the facts, mam.
Please.
And, don't burden me with an overly thorough review, either.
I don't even want the Cliff's Notes version.
They're way too long.
I want thumbnail sketches.
In and out and gone.
Book clubs? You must be kidding.
I'm not sitting around with a bunch of opinionated readers discussing a novel.
They probably don't even bring laptops to these events.
Borrrrrrrring.
If you read books, you have to turn pages.
A lot of pages.
How redundant is that? Oh, and the ever-present bookmark that always gets in the way.
Then, if you actually like the book and can't put it down, where's that leave you? You're suddenly an addicted shut-in who won't even answer the phone.
Sunshine is no friend to book lovers.
Books are for high school and college.
I've outgrown them both, thank God.
No more mind-numbing book reports and free pizza reading certificates for me.
And what's with Oprah? Just watch her show then read your brains off? That's no way to live.
Hey, I love reading.
But, it has to be on a computer monitor, and it has to be on a social network, and it has to happen fast.
And, I have to be able to throw in my two cents.
No book let's you talk back to it.
Well sure, I've talked back to books before, but it's just like a tree falling in the forest: will anyone hear it? Some of the most popular books out there have the audacity to be many hundreds of pages long.
You want me to read an 800-page book? Get outa' here.
But, if you have the decency to point me to a hundred-word review, I'll think about it.
I realize that our attention spans are growing ever shorter.
And, that's precisely why there is no span worthy of an entire book.
Fingernails on a chalkboard.
But, just like drugs, if there's a demand there will always be a supply.
And, if you think about it, books are like drugs.
Once you start reading them, it's very hard to stop.
Certainly, they aren't as harmful to your brain, but they deserve suspicion nonetheless.
Look, I don't have all day.
There's money to be made.
I just don't know where yet.