MAN’S MIND WORKS WONDERFULLY WITTILY or AMAZINGLY WITLESSLY ~MANY JOKES HERE ARE TRUE

On a Queen's birthday a dinner was given in honour of her and soldiers known as 'beef-eaters' catered - they served.. lamb.

When it gained independence a new country announced that from then on cars should not be driven on the left side of the road, but on the right -except for trucks for a transition period of three months...

When a government tested a railway firm's performance a train did not stop at any stations -when criticised by the press it announced that it was because it had to arrive at its destination on time…

A presenter of a sport programs, in the days that colour television was new, commented on a pool game: '… for those of you not watching on a colour set, the yellow ball is the one behind the red…'

In a country when teachers and people complained of educational and teaching standards was appointed to improve them.. a general.

A regional state appointed a minister to organise governmental dietary advice –he came to be talked about as being a fat minister.

A senior official, when criticised that it was discovered, from the impressions left on the sheet under it, that written evidence had been tampered with, announced that plastic sheets would be inserted between them in the future to ensure not to leave any impressions...

'Robin Hood did not rob the poor -they had nothing to rob'

A bookshop sign, at a time of industrial strikes, advertised a famous pop-singers book of her pictures, displaying this sign: 'Buy her book -she supports both the employers and the employees'…

A government officially announced that, because the employers preferred academic certificates to skills certificates, skills certificates should be issued in identical form on identical paper…

'In the United States one asks for the check and pays by bill -in the United Kingdom, one asks for the bill and pays by check'

One of the poems of the teacher and thinker the late Orhan Seyfi Ari contains these verses on man’s behaviour: “’I was an ape’ you say, or amphibian… And now, are you not, now, man.!?”

'Some 'intellectuals' wanting to test a writer-thinker hailed also for his wit, asked "Can you think of a word that sounds like 'sugar' but is shorter?.." He said: "Sure…" They asked: "What is it, then..?"'

Of a country often joked about its population not being very bright a national said to another's, "If you can think of how many apples I have in my bag, I'll give you.. both of them!" The other’s thought and thought and thought, and said: "Six..?"

An internet browser stumbled upon and looked for knowledge on a Western owned Eastern educational website priding itself as ilmkidunya  (ilm=knowledge, dunya=world) and found on it.. his own article.. plagiarised!

“I’m.. a.. African” when hear some people, they remark “A-aw.. ‘e don’t speak good English.”

A member of a government advised this as an example of how the industry might lessen its financial problems at economically difficult times: by delaying for few days paying their bills -to each other...

“Houses we have built for you, at cost–price, for only this much, each,” said a government in response to complaints over the rising house-prices, but people who sought to purchase them were asked to pay about four times that –an official explained: “That was the price of the house itself –the rest is for the land that it sits on”…

When a television station showed a documentary millions of television audiences watched with interest adding to their knowledge how young workers in the fields placed ladders against the trees and climbed them and picked off them spaghetti -it was April fool's day.

'Someone was asked what the new monarch would do when he came to the throne, and replied: "He will sit down...”

An art gallery exhibited not a painting wrapped in the dirty cloth used to protect the floor from paint splashes but.. the wrapping.