Today women are so aware that staying in an unhappy marriage is no longer necessary. Our mothers and fathers seem to stay married even if their feelings had dramatically changed. This is still the case for some who prefer to soldier on in marriages where one of the partners is physically and mentally abusive. Even the strong can be beaten down by a continuous verbal onslaught rendering them to weak to oppose, let alone leave.

Having witnessed these kinds of attacks, I have often asked myself the question. Are these abusers born evil, or were they once a victim of this kind of torture themselves? Many have endured child hood abuse and turned out to be very gentle souls, so why do some people in the same boat, turn on those they love with such terrible consequences? Psychology informs us that this is a kind of re-enactment of their own horrible past, where feelings so suppressed are triggered at some point by an event, leading to the abused, becoming the abuser.

Having walked in the shoes of the abused, I can tell you that during this time this is the last thing on your mind. The problem I found was as the abuse in my relationship became more often, I began to feel deserving of it. This was playing right into the hands of my partner who agreed with me totally of course. As I look back now I can see how crazy it all was, like a horror movie with no happy ending.

I If you are sitting in the middle of an abusive marriage, stop in your tracks for two seconds. Think of somewhere in the past when you were truly happy. It only has to be a moment in time, something you can grab onto. Are you smiling all of a sudden? The trick is to try and do this as often as possible and I sure know how hard it will be. Instead of that message in your head that constantly informs you of your shortcomings, try to replace it with a happy moment already lived. It is amazing how your mind will take on the challenge and slowly, alter your view

It was time to change my mindset; I was out of my abusive relationship but still dwelling on it. I could not stop thinking about those bad days. My best friend had a part to play in this as she was a positive soul and kept going on about my mindset being all- wrong. I kept wallowing for at least a year and then one day I realised I was fed up with the whole thing. Something had changed forever. I had finally altered my view. Today I can see everything that happened, but I now look at it as a segment of my life never to be visited again. I do not believe we were put on this earth to be a boxing bag for a partners rage; we are here to wake up to every day as if it were our first. Happiness is our true entitlement.