To be independent, to make our own choices, we can't be worried or obsessed by what others think.
We should be interested in what others think, because we value and evaluate other ways at looking at the world.
But, ultimately we have to make our own choices.
If we worry about someone else's approval or disapproval we can't be free, often making a decision to get approval or avoid disapproval.
Making a decision for this reason is the wrong reason.
Ultimately, it will be the wrong decision in some way, because it is not our decision.
If it is not our decision, it does not support our journey towards authenticity and the discovery of our own truths.
Issues of approval and disapproval are difficult for most people because they involve the ego.
Our ego, needing to feel right and hating to feel wrong, seeks validation from others.
Thus the strong needs of the ego cause us to make decisions because we will gain approval - validation - or avoid disapproval.
As discussed earlier, approval issues are often relative to the group or groups with which we associate ourselves.
In effect, these groups represent our peers, and in seeking approval from our peers we often conform without thinking things through for ourselves.
When my younger daughter Julie was four she decided it was time to pick out her own clothes.
Being inventive, creative, and not locked into preconceived notions of what was supposed to go together, she was free to pick out whatever suited her at the moment.
What suited her at the moment was combining different tops and bottoms from matching sets, and then picking socks and shoes that - in my humble and rigid viewpoint - didn't match.
To add insult to injury, she wanted to go to nursery school like that! I found myself trying to discourage her by explaining that her clothes didn't match and therefore she should change.
But then I paused and asked the question, "Why?" Why is this important to me and what's really going on? I realized quite quickly that I was concerned with what other parents would think of me, if I allowed her to go to nursery school dressed that way; I was worried about their disapproval.
Simultaneously, I realized that in desiring Julie's conformity for my own benefit, I was discouraging her own creative expression and pursuit of her own authenticity.
So, I stopped trying to discourage her.
Instead I reconnected to an appreciation of her desire for individual expression and told her how much I admired her creativity and independence, though perhaps not in those exact words.
Being human, however, I did catch myself telling some other parents at nursery school that Julie had dressed herself that morning.
If we are honest with ourselves as parents, we will find many instances where our decisions are made not for our children but for ourselves because we are worried about others' approval or disapproval.
If we are to seek honesty to gain authenticity, we should review the decisions we make for our children and ourselves in order to understand what influences these decisions.
When we realize we have made or are making decisions based on what others think, we can choose to change.
Freeing ourselves of the ego's influence is a serious challenge.
As we become aware of the ego's influence and choose to become independent and develop our wisdom, its influence gradually dissipates.
The ego is like a bully.
As we stand up to it, the ego loses its power because we are no longer scared.
We become secure in our own powers, our own abilities, because we have developed our own truths that transcend the shallowness of the ego and its attempts to intimidate us with its false power and phony demonstration of strength.