Aging with Dignity? An oxymoron if ever there was one! With more than a smattering of nostalgia I am watching my sense of dignity slowly but surely drift into oblivion.
But wait! Rewind ...
to the 1950s, to my high school days in Johannesburg, South Africa, when my fellow students and I were assigned a creative writing task.
We were to write an opinion piece using the title 'Old Ladies'.
My thoughts flowed easily as I put pen to paper, expounding the declining importance of older women in our society.
I concluded my essay proudly and with the unwavering conviction reserved for the unconscious mind - stating that I had no wish to live past the age of (wait for it!) 49, beyond which I would simply be a burden on society! It's a good thing my sentiments slipped past the 'powers that be' or I wouldn't be here to tell the story! Oh! how I'm eating my words now! I suppose I should be ashamed of my teenage ignorance, but I am far more concerned about the "A" grade that I received for this essay! I have a great deal to say about that! Firstly, I should have been hauled into the Guidance Counselor's office to begin a process of social awareness training.
Secondly, somebody should have explored where on earth I got the idea that 50 was old!! Although I did not grow up with grandparents (all died during my pre-school years), I had aunts and uncles who were probably in their 50's and up.
49?? What was I thinking?? Hell, when I was 49 (almost 20 years ago) I was just reaching my peak!! And thirdly, where were my parents in all of this? According to my calculations, they must have been in their early 40's at that time.
Did my teachers not bring this disturbing essay to their attention? I guess not! Fast Forward It is now 2013 - more than five decades later - and wouldn't you know it? The shoe is on the other foot! Talk about poetic justice!! Now an aging woman myself, I find myself on the periphery of a society whose perception of its aging population is not significantly different than my earlier impressions.
To put my current meanderings into a context, I am writing this on July 22nd, 2013, exactly ten years to the day, after I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.
My response at the time was coloured by having witnessed my mother 's experience with the same condition.
For reasons I will never understand (now that I know more about this condition) she was only diagnosed at age 80 - four years before her death, despite having had evidence of advancing disease for at least ten years prior.
Knowing little about Parkinson's when I was diagnosed, I was convinced that ten years down the road I would either be severely disabled, cognitively impaired - or dead.
I am neither severely disabled nor cognitively impaired - yet.
And - thanks to the blind eye of the aforementioned powers that be - I am not dead.
In fact I am among a very small minority of people with Parkinson's who respond remarkably well to the standard medications.
Whereas I do struggle with certain deficits and limitations, I am still in much better shape than my counterparts, even those with more recent diagnoses.
Unfortunately I have several other medical conditions, which I list here not to gain sympathy - or admiration - but simply to illustrate my struggle to be aging gracefully and to preserve my sense of dignity in an ageist society.
So - here it comes.
In addition to Parkinson's, I have Diabetes, Tourette's syndrome, Hypothyroidism, High Cholesterol and Gastric Reflux Disease.
Most of these are well managed with the appropriate medications - Tourette's being the exception.
When I hand my list of medications and conditions to new medical or paramedical professionals, I can see their eyes almost pop out of their heads as they peruse the long list and wonder silently how come I'm still alive.
As as for my Pharmacist - I'm probably financing her next vacation.
So Why is Dignity Important? It is important because it is connected to our feelings of self-worth, and when we do not feel ourselves to be worthy, our enjoyment of life decreases exponentially.
Those who have good self-esteem to begin with may find it easier to cope with loss of dignity, but it is not a walk in the park for any of us.
What's Wrong With This Picture? Let me paint a picture of my personal experience, as I try to negotiate aging gracefully (oh no! another oxymoron!) with the combination of advancing age and disability:

• I am slow.
  I walk slowly, ascend and descend stairs slowly, I get in and out of a car slowly, and I am slow at bathing, dressing and grooming activities.
  I watch with envy as the younger generation moves with the kind of speed and agility that was once mine.
  
• I'm overweight, partly due to my love of junk food - but it's much more difficult to keep my weight down with the slow metabolism that creeps up on us as we age.
  
• My vision is problematic (partially due to Parkinson's) despite the best professional care.
  I sit at the computer with my nose almost hitting the monitor, and I need bright light in order to read printed material of any kind.
  
• My speech as become soft due to the Parkinson's, and when I am tired my speech is slurred.
  
• My manual dexterity leaves much to be desired, which is humiliating as I try to withdraw money from my wallet, with the customer next in line waiting impatiently
• I tire easily and often have daytime naps to help me get through the day
• My short term memory is - well, short!! It happens all the time that I get up to do something, and promptly forget what it was that I had wanted to do.
  I have to retrace my steps in the faint hope that I might remember!
• Comfort always takes precedence over fashion anytime!
• Oh! I almost forgot to mention the aging face - my droopy eyelids (no wonder I can't see!), my jowls and those attractive folds in my neck.
  
• My hair has thinned - styling it has become a real challenge.
  Oh how I miss those thick, curly locks!
• And last by not least, the protrusion that enters a room before the rest of my being, begging the question of whether I could perhaps be with child during my senior years (are you kidding? I've paid my dues - four pregnancies and five children later

By the way, I have noticed lately that i am frequently offered the senior rate - be it for a movie ticket, or my purchases at one of the local stores.
Am i supposed to be happy about this? Aging with dignity? Like I said - an oxymoron (I'm tempted to play with that word...
but I'll leave it alone!).
The Silver Lining OK - it's not all bad.
This age and stage also brings with it many benefits, and perhaps the most rewarding and fulfilling one (for those of us fortunate enough to have this) is the involvement we have with our grandchildren.
And beyond that, during our senior years we have the time to do everything we've always wanted to do - or we can choose to do nothing.
We can decide who and what we like - or don't like, and we are free to make life choices whether those around us approve - or disapprove...
just some small illustrations of the advantages of aging - dignity or no dignity.
And if we are lucky (and I am!), our children may actually value our opinions and advice.
Nevertheless, it is a challenge for me to sustain a sense of self-respect and dignity in the face of declining health and independence.
Our law-makers mean well when they dictate standards of dignity and respect in care for those in our aging population.
But the written rule cannot override our society's glorification of youthfulness, energy, vigour, speed, independence and physical attractiveness.
Other Cultures How different this must feel for the elders of societies that truly venerate their elders, such as:

• The Chinese, who culture embodies a tradition of "filial piety" - total respect for the family, especially the elders
• The Native Americans, whose culture emphasizerespect for the wisdom, experience and knowledge of its elders
• The Vietnamese, who consider their elders as the carriers of tradition, knowledge and wisdom, and who regard age as an asset, not a liability
• The African Americans, who view advanced age as a reflection of personal strength, resourcefulness and faith
• The Latinos, whose children are expected to provide care for their elderly parents - and
• The Koreans, who teach their children to respect elders whether they are right or wrong.
  

It's a no-brainer.
I was born into the wrong culture! The Third Act Always on the prowl for inspirational material, I came across an excellent talk given by an excellent speaker: Jane Fonda.
In the video she describes what she calls 'the third act' - a developmental life stage which she believes challenges the view of age as pathological.
"We are still living with the old paradigm of age as an arch" she states.
"You are born, you peak at midlife and decline into decrepitude".
The third act challenges that metaphor, and Ms.
Fonda offers an alternative one: a staircase.
She describes how we move up the staircase during our senior years, towards the attainment of wisdom, authenticity and wholeness.
Although I cannot deny my ongoing dance with dignity, I also cannot deny that Jane Fonda's words resonate strongly with me - and inspire me.
I believe that I am wiser now - and counting...
I am authentic (at least I try to be)...
and I guess the 'wholeness' bit is still a work in progress.
So - on this anniversary date, I look back on the past decade with both gratitude and sadness.
Gratitude for being among the select few whose bodies are responding well to the Parkinson's medications.
And sadness for the incremental losses I encounter as time marches on.
Age should not have its face lifted, but it should rather teach the world to admire wrinkles as the etchings of experience and the firm line of character.
Ralph Berry