Be careful where you set a spark!

Sex can be natural, fun way to show someone you care, but there are some places you just DON'T show someone you care. As adults, we can all agree that sex is fun. Maybe there are people who are years deep into a relationship and they think the spark is gone so they'd want to argue that point, but overall, sex is fun. It's a pretty unanimous thought. And sometimes it can be fun to experiment with sex outside of the bedroom. Heck, an unexpected round on the kitchen table can remind even the stalest couples that the spark never really goes unless you let it.

But outside of the kitchen table, where do you draw the line when it comes to kink? Here are five places you should NEVER have sex. Just trust me. Learn from my mistakes, people.
Church

I bet there are people reading this right now, doing signs of the cross and muttering Our Fathers under their breath at the mere thought of this. But yes, people have sex in church. The weirdest part is, I am not telling you NOT to do that.

I am simply telling you not to get caught.

Now I KNOW there are people reading this and praying, but this time, it's for my soul. Thanks, my soul and I appreciate that.
Your Parent's House

I know some adults may read this and laugh because they think it doesn't relate to anyone older than eighteen, but that is not true. This one NEVER goes away. You see, when you age, you still visit your parents and often, on holidays, you and your significant other may spend the night.

See, got you!

If you think being busted by your parents as a teenager would be weird (which, honestly, it isn't because teens being young and in love and horny is part of their M.O), imagine how awkward it would if, Christmas night, your Mom were to walk into the guest room to say goodnight only to witness her fully grown child engaged in the horizontal hula?!

That would not only scar her, but you, the other person in the room, and anyone who heard the story.

See, you can never escape your parents, even as adults.
Theme Park

This is the point when I should say public sex acts are indecent and can end in jail time, so at no point do I encourage anyone to do that. But, as an adult, I will also say, some people will have sex in public regardless. And believe it or not, some places are quite congruent to such behavior. Think, empty beach late at night, for example.

But some places most certainly are NOT congruent to public acts of intimacy.

We will now mention a theme park as being one of those places. I wouldn't think I would need to go into detail as to why sex at a public theme park is bad idea, as nothing about it seems like a GOOD idea.

Onto the next one...
Graveyard

Listen, I am OBVIOUSLY not here to judge you. If at some point in your life, you get the chance for graveyard sex, I am not going to look at you any differently if you go for it. But you know who will? Whoever it is that catches and or witnesses it. Why? Because it is a (bleeping) graveyard.

Keep in mind, if you are caught by a cop who is having a bad night, you will be arrested, which would probably make the papers (even though little would probably come from it, legally speaking). This means, you would be known around your town as that "weirdo who has sex in a graveyard."

Never be THAT person.

I can happily say this is one I don't know from experience, but my creepy cousin Douglas may have a tale or two to tell about the subject.
In Another Person

Read that a few times to allow it to process, it's okay. I understand it takes a second. Has it clicked yet? Okay, let me hold your hand through this one. If someone loved you, and you were caught having sex, what would be the worst? If they caught you having sex with another person. I was being literal, thinking as a man.

The very worst place to be caught having sex would be inside another person. But, if you are the person of class I believe you to be, that isn't something you would ever have to worry about.

I just had to include it because, when imagining worse case scenarios, I could not come up with one worse than that. Sorta sucked the air out of the room on that one.

Pun totally intended.