SAVE MONEY ON HOME ELECTRICITY USAGE Or HOW TO AVOID ELECTRIC SHOCKS Well, no, not that kind of electric shock.
But just as shocking though.
The kind of electric shock that you get when you receive your power account each month, or quarter, as the case may be.
Personally, I always need a nice cup of tea and a good lie down after I've finished beating up the mailman when he smilingly drops off the utilities account.
I'm forever trying to think up ways to save money on home electricity usage.
Your home electricity usage is not only a massive drain on your pocket, it's a massive strain on your world.
Do you realise that this year, 2007, by my watch, Americans alone will spend 15 TRILLION DOLLARS PLUS on their home electricity usage.
That's 15 with 3 - 6 - well, an awful lot of 0's in front of it.
To add insult to injury, there are places where it's predicted that you will be paying up to 30% more for electricity.
It's my thought that we should be doing something about it.
The simplest things can slash home electricity usage dramatically.
If you save money on home electricity usage you can spend it on things that you like, can't you? Let the power company shout you a slap up dinner once a month! It's not just for the money wasted, but also, the fact that the less power that we use, the less toxic carbon dioxide we will be pumping into the air.
From a purely personal point of view, I like this Planet Earth! I can't think of anywhere more beautiful that I'd prefer to live.
I may not have too many years to go, but my children and grandchildren and their children have a long way to travel.
It would be nice if they could do it without wearing a gas mask all the time.
I wonder how many of you, that are reading this, have any idea how much it costs you to run your refrigerator, electric blanket, dishwasher etc each year.
Not too many, I wouldn't think.
Even less would know the connection between having an Old English Sheepdog and high electricity bills.
There is one, you know.
What use is a ceiling fan in winter? A lot of use, AND it will save you a considerable amount of money.
Why should you turn the oven off before the roast leg of lamb is cooked? Daft questions, aren't they? Well, no, not really.
You see, refrigerators have coils at the back of them.
These must be kept clean and dust free to enable the fridge to operate at its peak.
If they're covered in dust and dog hair, the fridge will strain to do its job and use a lot more power.
More money out of your wallet, and more greenhouse gas pumped into the atmosphere.
The ceiling fan - most of them come with a reverse gear.
In winter you spend a fortune heating your home.
As you all know, heat rises.
If you have a ceiling fan in the bedroom, running very slowly, preferably in reverse, but not vitally, it will force the warm air down from the ceiling onto the occupants of the bed, however many that may be.
Simple, isn't it.
Less home heating costs because you won't need a heater on in the bedroom all night.
Right, the ubiquitous Leg of Lamb.
This is an easy one really.
If you turn the oven off 20 minutes before the roast is cooked there will be enough heat already in the oven to finish the cooking process without wasting another 20 minutes of valuable, and very expensive, power.
I know this is true because I'm a Grumpy Old Chef - so there!!! If you'd like about 120 more of these easy, cheap and simple to use tips and secrets on how to save money on home electricity usage, just keep reading.
If you feel that you have no need to save on home electricity usage, I'll see you later.
I see that most of you are still in the room so I'll just say, "thanks for reading, my smart friends" and why not take a look below for the best way to save up to 30% on home electricity usage and laugh all the way to the bank.
I'll be off, then.
It's been nice meeting you.
Turn the outside light off after I leave.