As you get to know friends, there will come a time when you share your most personal stories with them. Many times, these are sad or embarrassing stories in which you want someone to get where you’re coming from and offer some support.

Author Brené Brown describes these moments as your “shame stories,” or times when you open up about uncomfortable experiences you’ve had where you want your friends to understand you a little bit better.

When you share these moments, it is a measure of trust.

But what if your friends don’t react well to them? What if they make you feel worse or leave you wishing that you hadn’t said anything at all? Here’s some advice.

When Your Friend Wonders Why You Are Sharing This

If your friend doesn’t know what to say or feels uncomfortable with what you’ve shared, they either don’t feel as close to you as you do to them, or they are not good at vulnerability.

If the friendship is new, this means that you tried to “rush” the friendship along by sharing something that would have been okay to share later on but is too sensitive to share right now. Your friendship may take a hit but there is room to recover. You and your friend just need to spend more time getting to know each other.

Or, your friend might feel weird about the situation and move on after that. If that’s the case, you learned that next time you’ll wait until you are better friends with someone before talking about emotional baggage.

If your friend is uncomfortable with vulnerability, however, there’s not much you can do.

The friendship might be at a stalemate, with you wanting a closer relationship and your friend not being able to handle it. You can either take the friendship as it is (and know that if you try to be their best friend they can’t be yours) or move on.

When Your Friend Is So Surprised and Shocked They Make You Feel Worse

Sometimes friends have a perception about what you’re like, and when you tell them things that go against this perception, they have a hard time wrapping their heads around it. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a bad friend, but until they show you the compassion and understanding you deserve, you should find someone else to share your most personal stories with.

A friend’s poor response to your news may damage the friendship, and it is up to them to repair it. If they can’t, perhaps they’re someone who is more of a casual acquaintance than a good friend.

When a Friend Uses Your Shame Story to Make Fun of or Belittle You

Occasionally, hearing about someone else’s embarrassment or misfortune makes the person feel better about their own life. They like hearing your sad stories because it builds their ego. They think they’re above you and may encourage you to tell them more, but they’ll never make you feel better.

In cases like this, perhaps this person wasn’t really your friend after all but you didn’t realize it. You gave them the benefit of the doubt, which is what you should do with people, but now you’ve seen them for what they really are.

These types of relationships are hard to deal with because you second guess your decision to be friends with them at all. You wonder when it was that your friendship turned, or how you missed the signs that a friend wasn’t true.

Instead of this, realize that as you get to know people sometimes they surprise you, and you have to deal with what you know. The upside to sharing something personal with them was that it gave you a chance to see what kind of friend they really were. Now that you know that, you can move on to someone else who will understand what true friendship really is.

Be Cautious But Not Closed Off

Getting burned after opening yourself up to a friend can make you feel as if there is no such thing as real friendship. But you must not let this prevent you from continuing to make friends. Don’t let one person’s reactions get you down about friendship as a whole.

At the same time, go slowly with friends and get to know them over time. This will help you determine who you can trust with your deepest fears and most personal stories, and who will ultimately be a good friend to you. Here’s a guide for how to be vulnerable with friends at the right pace.