- 1). Tell your child that abuse is not OK. If a parent or someone close to your child is abusing someone they love, they may be confused about abuse being right or wrong. Talking to your child about the negative effects of abuse can help them understand it is not a good thing. This also will help prevent future issues regarding their own relationships.
- 2). Assure them the abuse is not their fault. Sometimes children will blame situations such as divorce, domestic violence and the death of a parent on themselves because they are confused. Assure them the abuse could not have been altered or prevented by their actions. Let them know you understand the situation is scary for them, and they don't deserve to have this type of behavior in their home.
- 3). Listen to your child. After talking to them, allow them to speak to you individually. Sometimes they have a lot of feelings to express, but the presence of their other siblings may hinder their communication. When your child is speaking, listen attentively. Try not to speak much while they are expressing their feelings. Talking, writing in a journal, screaming in a closed room or crying on your shoulder are good ways to release negative energy.
- 4). Show your children you care about them. When abuse takes place in a family, children tend to feel left out, especially if you are constantly trying to figure out ways to leave the relationship. Frequently telling your children they are loved, giving them hugs and spending quality time with them are great ways to show them you care.
- 1). Talk to a domestic violence lawyer. Laws regarding custody of children vary in every state. If you have a court custody order, you may want to speak to a lawyer to prevent any kidnapping charges, especially if you plan to leave your state. If you don't plan on taking your children, speaking to a lawyer is still a good idea because leaving your children with an abuser is considered neglect, which will send a red flag to the judge when you try to regain custody of your children.
- 2). Pack your children's necessities. When preparing to leave an abusive relationship, you don't want to take things that will be noticeable to the abuser. Pack a small bag of your children's things, such as a few days worth of clothes, toothbrushes, important medications and, depending on the age of your children, an entertaining toy or game. Do not let your children know about the items you packed away as they may innocently inform the abuser you are packing their things. Place the bag in a place where the abuser cannot locate it, such as a close friend or family member's home.
- 3). Take your children to a safe place, such as the home of a relative or friend, prior to the day you plan to leave. A child does not need to see you escaping from a person they know and love, so it is best to let them visit a family member or friend while you leave. Also, if anything goes wrong, it is best that your children are not around to see it. Let your children know you need them to stay at the location for a short time while you take care of some work or do some housecleaning.
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