The first time it happened was 17yrs ago, when I was just 25.
It was in response to finding myself a single mum, my greatest fear.
I was devastated and was very hard on myself for allowing this to happen.
After weeks of trying to pull myself back together and feeling very weak and apathetic, I eventually asked my mother to drive me to the doctor (I felt unable to drive myself).
I was diagnosed with post-natal depression, but I knew it wasn't that.
The doctor prescribed antidepressants, which I didn't want to take, but I didn't know what else to do.
After a week or two I still was not feeling any better and was told I had to give the drugs time to work.
About that time I discovered Louise Hay's book 'You Can Heal Your Life', and I knew I would no longer take the drugs.
The book on its own did not help me to cure my depression, but it set me on a new path of personal responsibility, very empowering.
I also joined a meditation group and suddenly my world expanded.
I realised I was much more than what I had previously thought.
The group became my lifeline and slowly I made progress.
It was not a quick recovery and I tried many other things along the way, including counselling and hypnotherapy, but eventually I did feel better.
I met a new partner after 7yrs on my own and in the next few years I studied and practised several different natural therapy modalities and found myself attracting people who were dealing with physical symptoms caused by emotional distress.
I was dealing with a lot of stress myself at the time, all of it self induced.
I was being very hard on myself for not making any money from my work.
Then my son was born and I gave up on my practice, but not on being hard on myself.
Eventually it affected my relationship and we separated after 8yrs together.
I was a single mum once again.
However, it wasn't that that set me off on my second bout of depression.
It was financial struggle.
I was in the middle of my life coaching certification training and I'd just researched and written a 25 page document on how effective life coaching was for stress relief.
But this had gone beyond stress relief.
Even my meditation classes weren't helping.
I needed something else.
Again, I didn't want to take medication but did not know what else to do.
So I went to a doctor for a physical checkup to see if there was something going on but my physical health was fine.
She offered a referral to a psychologist but instinctively I felt this was not for me.
A few months earlier I'd attended a seminar where I'd learnt about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and I searched for a coach who had done this company's training.
Fortunately for me, I found the perfect coach who taught me, with just a small exercise, a huge lesson in self-talk.
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