Many people initially believe that cheating is the deal breaker that ends marriages. And many people cling to this belief until an affair happens to their own marriage. Then, the perceptions and the responses that you thought you might have had sometimes change. When you're faced with starting over and throwing away all that you have worked for over one mistake, things can begin to look a little differently on this topic.

A lot of the correspondence that I get come from people who want to repair their marriages after one spouse has cheated. Usually, although the desire to save the marriage is a strong one, the damage done by this betrayal is also equally as strong. Many couples struggle greatly with just how to make things work. They want to return things back to normal, but there's often now a lack of trust, building resentments, and doubts that have to be addressed. These things can be difficult even if both people are completely on board.

So, the following article will focus on some ways that you can begin to repair your marriage after one of you has cheated.

Ultimately, The Responsibility For Repairing The Marriage Lies With The Spouse Who Cheated, But It Takes Two People To Save A Marriage: The person who did the cheating must take full responsibility for their actions. There's no question that most cheating happens with many contributing factors. Few of us have a perfect marriage. However, even if the faithful spouse made many mistakes or left the marriage vulnerable, there really is no valid excuse for cheating. There are often many paths that you can take, but instead you chose to betray. And often you are completely telling the truth when you say that you are sincerely sorry for this. Well, taking responsibility for fixing your marriage is one way that you can show your remorse. Never blame your spouse for actions that you yourself chose to take.

With that said, the cheating spouse can be completely sincere and willing to travel to the ends of the earth to save their marriage, but if the faithful spouse is not willing to be receptive and to meet them halfway, then all of the efforts might ultimately fail. It's completely understandable to be reluctant to trust again after you've been betrayed. But ultimately, the trust and commitment must be rebuilt or your marriage will always fall short of what you really deserve and want.

Don't Worry About What You "Should" Want. Ask For What You Really Do Want: When couples are trying to rehabilitate or restore their marriage, they often get caught up in the "I should" or they worry greatly about what the other person thinks and feels. So, they hold back because they don't want to be the only one who feels a certain way and they do not want to be vulnerable if their feelings are not going to be reciprocated.

It's very common for the spouse who was cheated on to want affection and reassurance that the cheating spouse still loves them, still finds them desirable, and is truly sorry. However, often they don't want to show their hand and allow these feelings to surface. They worry that appearing as though they need this from their spouse will make them seem weak. They worry that people think they should continue to feel furious and out of reach as pay back. And they will sometimes be angry with themselves when they want to reach out when they know that they shouldn't.

Really, there is no right or wrong answers here. The feelings are going to come, whether they are right or wrong. And this is your marriage here. It's a relationship in which you shouldn't be keeping score or tally. If you want the reassurance and affection of your spouse, eventually you are going to want to tell them this instead of pulling back and then feeling doubtful and unsure when you don't receive what you truly want.

Likewise, the spouse who had the affair will often want to reach out and show their spouse's affection, but they suspect that when they attempt this, they are going to be rejected and rebuked. So even though they might want to show desire and affection, they might worry that they have no right to do this. And so why they hang back, their spouse thinks that they no longer desire them. So both people are misunderstanding and not getting what they really want.

Accept That If You Work Very Hard, Things Really Can Be OK: Many people fear that the affair means the end of their marriage. But, countless couples can and do work through this and come out on the other side with a marriage that is actually better than what they started with. The cheated on who work on their self worth and self esteem really can emerge in a much better place. The folks who had an affair because of their own insecurities can come to learn that their spouse is who they should have turned to.

An affair can show both parties that it's never wise to take your marriage for granted. And, should you be able to save it, prioritizing it can actually transform it into something that is more fulfilling and healthy than the marriage you started with.

I know that these things can be difficult to address, but they are important. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/