A relationship should yield mutual satisfaction and happiness, balanced by respect for and, indeed, compromise with your partner.
Of course, this is in an ideal world, and often the balance of power in a relationship can skew strongly in another's favor.
If you find yourself in the dominating side of a controlling relationship, read on.
Recognizing the Cause If you are the controlling partner, why? Most adverse behavior has a root cause, and taking the first step to recognize it is important.
We are driven by basic instincts, but, as Maslow points out, our needs are hierarchical and complex.
When a basic need like hunger is not met, we may be driven to kill, an adverse reaction to satisfy a basic need.
In the same way, fear of loss can be a powerful motivator than can lead to unintentional reactions.
As social creatures, we crave companionship, but anxiety and fear of abandonment can lead to an intense need to preserve what we have.
Understanding the Consequences Unfortunately, while your psyche is complex, others only see your behavior.
And possessive, controlling behavior undermines several important aspects of a relationship.
The first is trust.
In the business world, micromanaging control implies a lack of trust in one's abilities, and, since a strong relationship is built on mutual trust, controlling behavior implies that you have no trust in your partner.
The second is independence.
Although it differs by society, individuals expect a certain level of autonomy to make their own decisions, and overly controlling behavior erodes this.
The third is confidence.
If an individual feels untrustworthy and constrained, their confidence naturally breaks down.
This kind of behavior can thus drive away partners and friends.
Changing Your Behavior In short, the solution is to stop being so controlling, but deeply ingrained behavior can take time to change.
We've established that controlling behavior can arise from a fear of loss and a lack of self-confidence, so addressing these issues is an important first step.
To build confidence in yourself, try engaging in positive self-affirming exercises, focusing on, when you make a decision, what you've done right rather than wrong - it takes work, but try it consistently.
To overcome fear of loss, try giving up some control and making some small compromises, even if only temporarily.
You'll see it doesn't hurt! Self-improvement can be a difficult process, and these are only some basic tips for how to stop being controlling, but in the end you'll find that a mutually fulfilling relationship will improve your own sense of well-being.
Give it a try, and change your life!