Last month, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary.
While I do not pretend to be an expert on the subject of marriage, I want to take this opportunity to reflect on the past year, and what things I have learned that I hope will help others as they go along the marital journey.
"I Love My Wife" In his excellent book Everything and a Kite, Ray Romano says that this is a phrase that is so difficult for him to utter that this phrase could be a very effective field sobriety test for most men, even "quoting" his wife at the end of the book after he explains that, looking back on his (then) eleven-year marriage, that he loves his wife, asking if he has been drinking.
Well, I am a teetotaler, so I can say with no suspicion of intoxication that I love my wife.
Our relationship was a long-distance relationship until one week before the wedding, when I flew down to see her as she prepared for her trip east for the wedding.
It was a big transition for me going from spending hours on the phone every day and seeing her for a week or two every few months, but I can say honestly that there is not one moment over that time when I regret marrying her.
It has been even better than I could imagine, I am glad to have her in my life, and I look forward to more anniversaries as the years roll by.
Changes As I said earlier, my relationship with my wife was over the course of 1400 miles until shortly before our wedding.
I am not saying that the changes were bad, but that there were things that would be different for the rest of my life.
I am someone who has the tendency to put things in what an old sergeant once called "organized piles.
" Namely, I know where everything is, but my system is one that others might not recognize.
Ironically, whenever I put things in an "organized" place, that is when I tend to lose them.
Needless to say, this is not something that always goes over well.
However, this is just an example of give-and-take.
There are going to be times when spouses are used to doing things in a different way.
It's not that one way is right and the other one is wrong; they are just different.
In cases like these, it always helps to keep things in perspective and realize that it is not the end of the world if something is a little different than "normal.
" A Commitment Means Just That A few years ago, I went to a friend's wedding.
There were many things that struck me as odd as I watched my friends getting married by someone who received his ordination through the Internet (As a seminary graduate, this could be the topic of an entire blog post on its own.
), but the one that struck me as the most odd was the fact that "lifelong" or "as long as you both shall live" or any variant thereof was never uttered by anyone at any time during the ceremony.
(The closest was "[y]our life together.
") Within three years, the marriage crumbled.
I have heard from many clerics of several different denominations, and they have told me that there are a lot of wedding ceremonies that are performed today without any mention of a lifelong commitment.
(One even went so far as to promise "I will marry you as long as my love remains for you.
") With the divorce rate in the United States stabilizing at somewhere around 50% after a long and steady increase since roughly the Civil War, and a rate that is even higher among those who have already been divorced, one of the most striking things about this trend is the lack of commitment.
I considered it an honor and a solemn pledge when I promised to be there for my wife as long as we both shall live.
However, I wonder how many couples really do look at marriage as something that is a lifelong commitment, and how many seek that new couple jubilation, and lose sight of their partner when it wears off, as it always will.
A lifelong commitment means constantly making an effort to build and maintain what you have.
After all, there are a lot of people who wake up estranged from their partner and stunned at this realization.
There will be things that are for worse, but one should never lose sight of the things that are for better.
This is what I know as I look at my wife, and I thank God every day for her.