Myth #1: There are no places to meet single, available, desirable people.
Myth #2: You are single because your standards are too high.
Myth #3: You shouldn't try so hard to find your ideal partner: if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
The following is a typical scenario of a conversation between a relationship coach and her client who is single and looking for a loving relationship: Client: I want desperately to be in a loving relationship.
Help! Coach: OK.
Great.
So, what stops you from finding one? Client: Honestly, I just don't know where to find one.
There aren't any good places to meet people.
Coach: I can hear your frustration and many single people struggle with meeting new people.
Tell me, what and where have you tried so far? Client: Well, I went on two dates from one of those online dating sites, but they were awful.
Coach: Sounds like you've experienced a couple of mismatches and it was disappointing to you, which is totally understandable.
Great work, though, for having the courage to get out there and try! Let's come back to this concept of online dating in a minute.
Tell me, how do you spend your free time? Client: Besides work and those two dates, I pretty much sit at home watching TV by myself or with my best friend.
Coach: I see.
Why do you think you spend most of your time at home watching TV? Client: Well, because I like TV and being in my home is comfortable.
Coach: Sure.
People tend to like to remain in their comfort zones.
So, the real question for you to answer is whether you prefer to remain at home and comfortable alone or step out of that comfort zone a bit to try something new to help you find a loving relationship? Client: Wow.
I can't believe I have never thought about it like that.
It seems really obvious to me now.
Do you see yourself or someone you know in this particular client? This is a common trap that people fall into because we like to play it safe.
In fact, we are biologically programmed for survival and those same mechanisms that were designed to help keep us alive are sometimes the very ones that hold us back from finding the relationship we truly want.
We can't rid ourselves of these mechanisms, but we can begin to be aware of the times when they get triggered needlessly so they no longer hold us back.
If you simply want to remain completely in your comfort zone all the time, then that's okay too.
You will survive.
But, if what you want is to thrive and to enjoy thoroughly rewarding relationships, you'll have a far better chance if you stretch yourself a little.
Try letting go of the excuse: "there are no good places to meet people.
" When you catch yourself saying or thinking that, ask yourself, "is that really true?" Then try to figure out what some of those good meeting places near you might be, and head on out.
As for Myth #2, it is an unfortunate fact that most people do feel pressured to lower their expectations about relationships and as a result those people end up in relationships that do not work, or at least don't work very well.
Everyone deserves to be in a healthy, loving relationship.
Settling for anything less than what you want is a by-product of what was described earlier as a fear-based mechanism.
If you haven't already created a list of the top 5 important qualities you require in a person as well as a list of your top 5 relationship red flags, then create it today! You must be clear about what your standards are, and in spite of what anyone tells you, don't lower them! Again, ask yourself, if it is really true that you must lower your standards, if you want a healthy, loving relationship? The next question is: why would you do this? So, that you can find yourself in yet another unhealthy relationship that doesn't work for you or your partner? Clearly, that is not the result you are looking for.
You deserve to have the relationship you want, right? Try telling yourself that, over and over again for a while, and you may be very surprised by what will happen.
Myth #3 is a little bit tricky.
It is about one of those excuses that disguises itself as enlightened thinking.
Some people get caught up in the idea that if they just think about attracting the right person, it will magically happen without taking any action.
If you are feeling very stressed out about dating and you need to relax a bit or you truly aren't interested in finding a healthy, loving relationship at this point in your life, this Myth may actually serve you well.
If that is the case, then by all means, use it.
However, if you find yourself living this myth, but on the inside, you really want to be in a relationship, then what you need to know is that if you want new results in your life, you are much better off by trying new experiences than just sitting around relying on some extremely good fortune to come your way! Think about your list of standards and expectations.
How many people are going to be able to fill that position? Something like 1 in 100 or even greater! Therefore, you must meet 100 new people before you find that one person that is right for you.
The key, then, is to keep increasing the flow of new people into your life.
Make a list of 5 activities you haven't tried but have always wanted to, and schedule them into your calendar.
The client in our scenario mentioned online dating.
Unfortunately, it seems that many people have unsatisfying dating experiences with people they meet online.
In theory, online dating should allow people to increase the flow of potential partners into their lives and give people access to potential matches at a far greater rate than would otherwise be possible.
If online dating is one of the ways you would like to meet new people, be sure to be clear about who you are and what you value when you write your profile.
Also, choose accurate, tasteful, and appealing pictures of yourself to post online.
Lastly, if you can afford it, find a relationship coach to help you through the process.
As in the scenario above, a good coach can help you see things in a new light and open yourself up to experiences that can change your life.